At long last, I am blogging. It’s been a bit busy around here, what with marriage and a
new home and a child who is moving into toddler-hood! No more room for excuses.
I stumbled across this topic a couple weeks ago now – and
when anything is even remotely consuming of my thoughts I tend to want to write
about it – so of course this went on the list of “blog topics”.
A couple of weeks ago, something happened – my brother sent
me the most heart-felt, unprompted, emotionally charged email I have ever
received from him in all my years overseas. Turns out he was feeling betrayed; lied to; a victim of
fraud. As it happens, Tom Gabel,
the lead singer for Against Me!, an American punk band, is a self-confessed
transgender.
For more than 10 years my brother has been a faithful
Against Me! Fan. The shock of this
news sent him reeling, if only briefly, into a state of confusion and
uncertainty. He was quite
apparently upset that such a “vital” part of someone’s identity had been kept a
secret to him for so long. He
shared ideals and values with this man.
He identified with him, and some days, in a round-about sort of way,
even idolized this man, although I will just clarify that Brad isn’t the sort
of person to make idols, or wish that he was someone different – he is quite
comfortable with himself as he is – imperfections and all, and I think
idolizing is a weaker trait that he doesn’t seem to demonstrate all to often,
unless its under the pretence of respect and self-improvement.
A brief post on his facebook led me to the 8-or-so page
article in the Rolling Stone mag, which consisted of Tom Gabel giving a
revealing interview about himself and his sexuality.
Now, before I go any further, I am going to apologize to
Brad, my brother, for baring his soul and revealing his thoughts and emotions
for all of the interweb to see.
But he’ll get over it. As I
state in all my other blogs, everything is somehow or another all about
Jack. This is no exception.
So, this “event” consumed my thoughts for a number of
days. Possibly because that’s how
long it took me to get through the mammoth Rolling Stone article – but also because I couldn’t help
thinking how it was affecting Brad.
He LOVED this band, their music, what they stood for. What was he to do? He couldn’t relate to a man that wanted
to be a woman! A man who, from now on, was going to BE a woman. How random. How alienating.
In the article, Tom is quietly pleading with fans to please
accept this truth and have faith in him.
He swears he will still rock as hard as ever, still give his
all-consuming performances and keep writing thought provoking, instigating,
poetic-like lyrics. And I find
myself inwardly praying that Brad does find it in his heart to forgive, and accept
this news. After all, Tommy is
just a person – a person who is at the mercy of an unforgiving society, where
transgender issues still lie in the “taboo” basket. If you’re from a small town and have never had to deal with
an issue like this personally, you cannot be expected to understand and accept
the news at the snap of a finger.
Look, at the end of the day, Tommy Gabel – now to be known
as Laura – is a wildly talented and passionate individual. His personal struggles and trials of
growing up have channeled his talent and unique way of thinking into a form of
art that has affected and influenced thousands upon thousands of individuals. I’m not much of a punk-rock fan these
days, yet I will always have time for Against Me! – it triggers a sense of
nostalgia, remembering a time when, back in the day, listening to them while
smoking a joint was the only way my brother and I could sit in peace without
bickering or being spiteful. But
more than that I can fully appreciate his one-of-a-kind voice, his
fist-in-the-air, anthem-style sing-along chants that prevail in his
paradoxical, rebellious, anarchy-fuelled yet feel-good lyrical
compositions. To listen to him
belt out a tune is to recognize that he has a deep understanding for societal
values, and can quickly point out which of those values tend to be hypocritical
crocks of shit, yet doesn’t go so far as to demand societal rebellion by his
faithful followers – he is merely pointing out truths, sometimes in an
apologetic manner. And that’s
pretty much all. And the way he
can go from that to a light-hearted, good quality pub rock anthem, or an
acoustic guitar strumming rambling love song, often just puts a smile on my
face and a warm sense of familiarity in my belly.
So. How is this
about Jack, then. Well… what if
Jack has been born with some trait that society is unaccepting of? What if he has some major personal
struggle that lay ahead of him?
Not only will he have to deal with it personally and with his loved
ones, he will also have to face judgement and persecution. Whether it be a sexual preference, a
religious view, a political stance – I just all of a sudden felt vulnerable to
the world – the cruel, cruel world – for the sake of my son. I had a pang of desperation for my
brother to accept Tommy Gabel (a.k.a. Laura) and support her in what must be a
terrifying time in her life.
Because, if some day Jack needs to out with some truth perceived as
“wild” and “outrageous”, yet it was how he was born, I need to know he will be
accepted and supported at LEAST by his loved ones.
It’s not about conservatism or liberalism or progressive
thinking. I am fully convinced
that a transgender is someone trapped in the body of the opposite sex, and a
lot of times we as a society can show a lot of ignorance due to lack of
understanding, and that ignorance will be manifested as cruelty and mean-spiritedness.
Upon hearing about the end of Tom Gabel as we know him, I
went into a period of what felt like mourning and memoriam. It was as if I was remembering a band
that was deceased, cherishing the best of what they had to offer, as if there
was going to be no more water to flow from that fountain. I played their music at every opportunity, searching for some clue or cryptic inscription about his secret. I explained this to my brother, and he
said he was going through the same thing.
But then he resolved to accept what he had learned, and provided me with
some optimistic insight – he said he is looking forward to their next album,
which he believes will be more “raw” than the last couple more commercially
refined productions, (which would come as a relief to any Against Me! fan), and
he envisions them becoming more famous.
A wave of relief washes over me as I read this; he has accepted. He has forgiven. He is not judging. He is still letting the talent be what
it should be, and not letting it be overshadowed by some irrelevant aspect of
Tom’s personality. Alas, if
someone as cynical and black-and-white as my brother can find it in his heart
to resolve this internal struggle, I think there is hope in the world. Hope for my son, who, one day, will need
acceptance and forgiveness in some form or another. Thank you Brad, for giving me hope.
