The Gender Debate

I am writing this blog as I have many matters, points, issues and subjects to send out into the ether to be debated, disputed, agreed upon and pondered….. by anyone who wishes to do so. 

I have an itch to cover the topic of “gender roles”.  I have slowly been changing my opinions on my own principles, to the point that I have now done a complete 180.  Having a child has both enlightened me and made me feel ignorant, and I now live in a permanent state of contemplation, wondering who, if anyone, is “right” on the matter of Gender Roles.

Having completed an apprenticeship and progressed on to become a qualified electrician, I am one who fully understands and appreciates the importance of gender equality in society, and more specifically, in the work place.  This social liberty which we tend to take for granted in western countries was, for a number of years, the very key to my happiness, quality of life, fulfillment, and sense of achievement. 

Now let me stop right there and say that, now, I am living a life which draws nearly no parallels with my pre-motherhood life – yet I am still managing to achieve happiness, quality of life, fulfillment and a sense of achievement. 

This has confused and amused me.

Society is seemingly changing more and more with each generation, instilling ideas in our minds that we are not defined by whether we are a man or a woman, but by who we are as an individual.  That your strengths and weaknesses don’t reside in your gender, and that anyone can perform any career (almost) and have any sort of lifestyle.  We are all different. 

I grew up with this unwavering sense of confidence; believing that whatever my goals were, as long as I worked hard, they would be achievable.  Never in my mind was there the idea that I wouldn’t be welcome on some particular job site or lack the resourcefulness to complete any sort of task at hand.  Thanks to my parents and the mentality of Gen Y, I truly believed the world was my oyster and I deserved whatever I worked for.  I grew up believing women MUST have careers.  Women MUST be independent.  Women must NEVER rely solely on a man for income or financial security.  So I shaped my life by these rules, and grew a work ethic that was consistent with this mentality.

I got a trade.  I felt the reward of a hard days’ work often defined by physical labor.  I developed an insatiable thirst for knowledge.  I became work-obsessed…. I loved my job and I wanted to know the ins-and-outs, ups-and-downs, loopholes,  potential, and limitations of the industry within which I worked.  I experienced the significance of camaraderie, learnt the value of a dollar, and at the end of the day was always rewarded monetarily by the hours I had put in.  It was more than I could ever ask for…. Work didn’t feel like work – it was like an addiction.  I never wanted to do anything else.  Nothing got me going like a big ol’ switchyard – 220 kV lines; gantry rising into the blue sky; warm, humming transformers; massive hunks of metal containing circuit breakers and other protection mechanisms; and the list goes on… just talking about it makes my heart flutter.  I managed to stumble into what was ultimately the love of my life – high voltage.  (By stumble, I don’t mean literally – as that would be quite dangerous.  I mean I unexpectedly ended up working for a division of my company that led me to this magnificent field of work.)

And then there was Jack.

Well, before Jack, there was Nathan – I better just clarify that he is the “link” in this picture; the bridge between past and present life.  We met on a job in a powerstation, and now he is my provider, our protector, the “bread winner” – and I am a dependent, stay-at-home devoted mother of our sweet little boy, Jack.

And herein lies the conflict… the befuddlement and the perplexity which is thrust upon me as a modern-day “new” mum.

You see, the older Jack gets, (and currently he is 10 months), the less fathomable it is for me to actually part with him.  Granted, I have known all along that I would not have to go back to work in any hurry – Nathan and I decided before we even conceived this child that we want to raise him with a stay-at-home parent.  Now, this idea when first impressed upon me by Nathan, was not taken very well.  It was foreign to me; my mother worked, my Auntie worked, all the women close to me were career women as well as good mothers.  I was taught that I should be independent, and so on and so forth.  But over time I came to see that what Nathan believed wasn’t such a bad idea after all…. I just thought it was a bit unheard of in this day and age.

Anyways, I digress. 

So I now have this child.  And as I was saying, its probably because I haven’t had to “mentally prepare” myself to have him separated from me, but as other new mums with babies Jack’s age are having to go back to work, I seem to have trouble breathing at the thought of such a thing.  My heart starts to palpitate and my throat starts constricting at the thought of being apart from my child for 8-10 hours a day.  Its actually a joke to me – because I think if I were suddenly forced into such a situation, I would have a breakdown.  Its incredulous.  The most unnatural thing in the world.

How did I come to stray so far from Miss Independent? 

This is my point of contention.  I will sign off here, as to go any further will require a whole new length of blog reading, and I want to ensure the next “chapter” expands evenly on all the relative sub-topics being drawn up here, such as:  society’s expectations, paternal instincts, why mums should stay at home (instead of dads), financial dependence (or, a loss of Independence), re-entering the workforce and its associated challenges.

It seems lately that there has been a focus-shift in the media; I am seeing more and more blogs and editorials that are questioning the “super-mum” expectation that society has somehow managed to come to accept.  So what are the real reasons mum’s want to do it all…… such a complex issue that needs to be picked apart!

Thanks for reading.

Until next time,

Yours truly